


One last time...

by fuchsverse



Category: Shaman King (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, F/M, no fluff sorry, not sorry, tissues needed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:47:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuchsverse/pseuds/fuchsverse
Summary: The picture would be perfect if it weren't for the thick fog that was creeping through the streets and nestling in all the cracks... [2010].
Relationships: Asakura Yoh & Kyouyama Anna, Asakura Yoh/Kyouyama Anna
Kudos: 1





	One last time...

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Ein letztes Mal...](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29268666) by [fuchsverse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuchsverse/pseuds/fuchsverse). 



> Info: This short story is from 2010 and therefore a bit older. I'm not really happy with the writing style anymore, but I didn't really want to change anything since I wrote it then and just expressed myself that way three years ago. Thank you for your attention.
> 
> Info II: Italics were largely taken from the song "Ein letztes Mal" by Panik.

**One last time**

_One last time..._  
 _And I know... no one else matters...._  
 _And I know... life makes the choice...._  
 _I know..._  
  
The full moon stood high in the sky, casting its faint light on the earth. Little snowflakes danced in the wind of the night, singing its song. They covered the earth with a white, glittering layer and gave the impression of peace and hope. The picture would be perfect were it not for the thick fog there, creeping through the streets and nestling in all the cracks....  
  
_One last time..._  
  
Behind the closed lids, the eyes moved restlessly back and forth. Cold sweat gathered on her forehead and her breathing was weak. The blonde hair stuck to her skin. In her sleep she pulled the blanket higher, tried to hide. Tried to escape. Tried to forget at last.  
Couldn't forget...  
Couldn't escape....  
She was trapped...  
...trapped in reality...  
  
_One last time..._  
  
Gasping, the girl opened her eyes and looked around hastily.  
Nothing...  
She was in her room, the wind was howling around the big house and everything else was quiet. Everything was as always.  
As always...  
Slowly, the blonde-haired woman sat up and put a hand on her forehead. The cold sweat made her shiver and then there was this throbbing in her head.  
It was driving her crazy...  
  
 _One last time..._  
  
Slowly she crawled out from under the covers and pulled her legs to her body. Wrapped her arms around them and rested her head on her knees. The large room was cold and empty. Only a small cupboard and the futon were there. It seemed deserted and lonely....  
She was deserted...  
... was lonely...  
  
_One last time..._  
  
She lifted her head and stared out of the window. Looked at all the little snowflakes making their way down to earth. Her hands shook as she ran them through her wet hair. Carefully she stood up, swayed briefly and then walked towards the window.  
When she saw her reflection, she was startled....  
 _What has become of you... Anna Kyouyama...?_  
There were deep, dark circles under her eyes. Her lips were chapped and completely chewed. Her hair was sticking out of her head.  
 _What has become of you..._  
Trembling, she ran her fingers over her lips as something moist touched her nail.  
When did she start crying?  
Thick tears welled up from her reddened eyes, slowly obscuring her view and dripping little by little onto the dark wooden floor. A soft sob escaped from her mouth and echoed in the room.  
  
_I really feel like shit..._  
  


As if in a trance, she reached for the window knob and opened it. Cold air hit her, took her breath away and made the tears freeze on her cheek. She wrapped her free arm around her upper body, her fingers clawing into her flesh. She could bear it no longer....  
  
_One last time..._  
  
She closed her eyes and felt the cold draining her strength. Lightly she bit her lower lip, not noticing that she bit harder and harder until she bled. She hadn't minded the metallic taste for a long time, perhaps she had already got used to it. Had got used to being alone, to being abandoned. To be broken. There wasn't much left of the girl she had been then. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Manta and the others, she never opened the door to them. She ignored their ringing, tried to distract herself with cooking or washing. Tried to keep herself busy and not think about how empty the too big house was now. Maybe she should just get out of here, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't want to lose the last thing she had left of him.  
But this house drove her crazy at the same time. Again and again she imagined hearing him, feeling him... seeing him....  
She knew herself that this was not possible, no one had seen him....  
Not after that one event...  
  
_One last time..._  
  
She knew, even what she had to do, but didn't know if she would ever be ready. She had to let him go and move on with her own life. It's always easy to say things like that, but then when you're in a situation like that....  
Anna looked at the moon. It looked so pure and innocent.  
A light breeze caressed her, played with her hair and kissed her cheek. She closed her eyes and concentrated on this incredible feeling, he had always been so gentle and careful too....  
  
_Yo..._  
  
It was like he was with her again. Would hug her, would comfort her, would build her up, would drive her up the wall and just get on her nerves. She let herself fall. Fall into the memories of a carefree past. She heard Yo's laughter, not just his, there was Manta, Ryu, Horo, Ren and everyone else.  
 _"Anna..."_  
Kyouyama's eyes snapped open and she turned around jerkily "Yo?!".  
Nothing...  
Of course that couldn't be... once again her imagination ran away with her, she had to finally stop this and learn to live without him. The room was empty and always would be... but it had sounded so real....  
  
_One last time..._

_I hear your voice..._

  
  
The throbbing in her head became stronger and tears came to her eyes again. Why were they doing this to her? It was as if he was here. Here in this room. It was as if he was standing behind her, watching her. She could literally see the smirk on his face. The first tear ran down her cheek, dripped from her chin and hit the wooden floor with a loud splat.  
  
_I'm really fucked up..._  
  
She could feel him looking at her. She felt it with every fibre of her body. Everything was tightening inside her, it was going to stop.  
She knew he wasn't there, he couldn't look at her. Because back when he died, his spirit was destroyed....  
He couldn't be there, there was nothing left of him....  
He and Amidamaru had not only died in the human world....  
No... they had been extinguished forever....  
And yet she felt that look in her back. It sent shivers down her spine....  
  
_One last time..._

_I feel your gaze..._

  
  
It choked her throat. Slowly she turned around and saw... nothing. Tears ran incessantly down her cheeks and soaked her nightdress.  
Her whole body trembled with grief, yet now she made a decision that would change her life from the ground up....  
  
 _One last time..._  
  
Slowly she sank down in front of the black table with Yo's photo. The flowers in the vase slowly wilted, they too had made their decision. Anna lowered her head and closed her eyes. She breathed deeply and evenly, memorised Yo very firmly and locked him in her heart forever....  
The big clock struck 12...  
It was the 24th of December of the year 2010....  
  
_The last time..._

_That I miss you..._


End file.
